New year’s resolutions are a hot topic at this time of year and tend to garner a strong reaction from most people you ask about them (cue a major cringe response!). Why is this?
I think for so many of us, it’s quite simple – we’ve gone down that road too many times and not been successful. We’ve made big lofty resolutions for ourselves only to have our motivation and enthusiasm die down by February. We then feel like failures and that pesky “all or nothing” mindset keeps us down for good. We give up on our goal making an array of excuses and pushing it off until spring or summer…or fall…or next year.
But why do we fail to achieve our new year's goals?
Why does our motivation fizzle after only a few weeks?
When we don’t achieve the goals we’ve set out for ourselves (or ones that others have set for us), it often means that we have yet to change essential behaviour patterns.
But isn’t deciding we want to do (or stop doing) something enough to change these patterns?
I wish!
In order to change our behaviour, we must look at the root of where it comes from. It looks something like this:
So in order to change our behaviour and thus meet our goals – we need to head deeper into our psyche to our CORE BELIEFS!
As you can likely tell by now, my position on new year’s resolutions has nothing to do with things like making your goals more realistic and specific, or hanging a vision board on your wall.
Although these types of tools can be supportive in achieving goals, they won’t get you results (and I’m here to help to get some results!) if your core beliefs don’t match up with your goals. In other words, if you don’t believe you CAN achieve that goal, you won’t.
And this isn’t a surface belief in yourself – because any of us can TELL ourselves that we believe we can get that new job, start eating healthier or exercise 5x/week – but do we believe it on a deeper level? Core beliefs about ourselves lie in our subconscious brain – meaning we often aren’t aware of them. They are like scripts running 24-7 shaping how we think, feel and act, and in some way limit our potential and prevent us from achieving our goals. They are often referred to as limiting beliefs.
Limiting beliefs are formed in our early years, between the ages of 0-14, based on our life experience - namely our environment and parents / caregivers.
Everyone has them but they are different for all of us.
I want to share some of my limiting beliefs in hopes that it will help you start the journey of identifying your own – because when we hear other people’s stories it helps to expand us… to open our minds. These are just a few examples of core beliefs that I’ve uncovered over the last few years – full disclosure, some of these I have cleared and some I’m still working on.
- The belief that work / a job has to be hard, is a “grind” and is only done to make money
- The belief of “not enough-ness”, i.e. the belief that there is never enough money for me, that I am never good enough and that my actions/efforts are never enough
- The belief that I’m only allowed to feel good/happy WHEN certain conditions are met (ex. Flat stomach, clear skin, successful and making money in my business, etc.)
- The belief that I must be accepted and validated by others in order to be “good enough” as a human
- The belief that I need to control and worry about the outcome of every situation in my life in order to get what I think I need
Limiting beliefs are linked to low self-worth. Let’s use my example from above about the need to be accepted by others. If I don’t believe at a deep, subconscious level that I am worthy on my own without being accepted by others, I will constantly seek to be accepted without even realizing it. And if I feel rejected, it triggers a huge emotional reaction in me – I feel anxious, fearful and ashamed.
Then thoughts start swirling in my head…
“I’m ridiculous and such an idiot, why did I think I would get that new client?”
“OMG I will never get a new client ever again! My business is doomed. I won’t make any money. I’m failing and I suck”
And these thoughts lead to behaviours. For example, I stop putting myself out there to market a new program because of this huge fear of rejection, and I don’t meet my business goals.
As you can see, this chain reaction from core beliefs to emotions to thoughts to behaviours can SO EASILY limit our potential.
You might be feeling overwhelmed at this point – like how the heck can you even begin to identify your limiting beliefs, let alone clear them?!
I hear you. Which is why I’ve created a FREE resource that’s going to help you with this🙌🏼 So stick with me until the end.
With 2020 freshly upon us, how can we make sure we aren’t bringing these thought patterns and habits that no longer serve us along for yet ANOTHER ride?
This is where it gets fun (at least, my version of fun😜). We’re going to do a self-reflection deep dive. We are going to get clear about what’s holding us back and isn’t working for us – but also what IS working for us.
We are going to ask ourselves questions like:
“When do I feel most out of alignment with my true self? What are some triggers that have led to me feeling “off” and not myself?”
“What things in my life are depleting my energy?”
“Where am I still saying yes to things that aren’t a “hell yes” (ie. where can I be saying no more often)”
And we are going to get super real and honest with ourselves in these answers.
It’s essential to engage in productive self-reflection on the previous year BEFORE making goals for the new year.
Now don’t get my wrong, I believe it’s important to have goals for ourselves, however, without self-awareness and digging a little deeper into our psyche:
- We will continue to stay stuck in old behaviour patterns that don’t serve us
- We won’t stand a chance of meeting our new goals
- We will continue to face the same roadblocks
- We will continue to experience the same die-down of motivation and enthusiasm come February that we’ve felt every year
- And we will continue to feel frustrated and disheartened that we’ve failed and don’t know why
So before you go making a list of 2020 goals for yourself, I encourage you to do some self-reflection first using my FREE Self-Reflection Workbook.
Fill in your information below to get your copy!
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